Unmasking the Past: A Neurodivergent Journey Through the Kitchen and Beyond

The Early Days: Chaos in the Kitchen

The sizzle of the grill, the shouts across the kitchen, the clatter of plates - these were the sounds that defined my world for years. As a young cook at G-Daddy's BBC Bar and Grill in Milwaukee, I thrived on the chaos, or so I thought. It was 2005, and at 21, I was just beginning a culinary journey that would span nearly two decades and kitchens across the country.

The kitchen was a world of sensory overload, a place where my ability to juggle multiple tasks and thrive under pressure made me stand out. But it was also a place where I first began to construct the mask I'd wear for years to come.

Signs Hidden in Plain Sight

What I didn't know then - couldn't have known - was that the very traits that made me excel in the high-pressure world of professional kitchens were also signs of something deeper. My ability to hyperfocus on perfecting a dish, the overwhelming sensory experiences that I dulled with alcohol, the constant effort to fit in with my fellow cooks - all were pieces of a puzzle I wouldn't solve for years to come.

Looking back, I can see how these traits shaped my career. The intensity with which I approached each dish, the way I could lose myself for hours in the minutiae of flavor profiles and plating techniques - these weren't just signs of a passionate chef. They were glimpses of a neurodivergent mind finding its element.

The Slow Dawn of Recognition

It wasn't until much later, after I'd climbed the ranks to fine dining, after I'd gotten sober, and after I'd started to really examine my life, that the picture began to clear. The realization that I might be neurodivergent didn't come as a lightning bolt of understanding, but as a slow dawn of recognition.

This process of self-discovery was gradual, marked by moments of clarity interspersed with periods of doubt. Each realization was like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle falling into place, slowly revealing a picture of myself I'd never fully seen before.

Unmasking: A Journey of Self-Discovery

Looking back now, with the clarity of sobriety and a recent ADHD diagnosis, I can see the thread of neurodivergence woven throughout my life. It was there in the way I could lose myself for hours perfecting a sauce, oblivious to the world around me. It was there in my struggles with the social dynamics of kitchen life, always feeling like I was playing a part rather than truly fitting in.

Unmasking has been a process of peeling back layers of learned behaviors and coping mechanisms. It's been about recognizing that what I once thought of as personal failings or quirks were actually fundamental aspects of how my brain is wired.

The Homelab: A New Frontier of Hyperfocus

As I began to understand my neurodivergent traits, I discovered a new outlet for my tendency to hyperfocus: my homelab. What started as a curious exploration into the world of technology quickly became an all-consuming passion. I found myself spending hours configuring servers, experimenting with network setups, and diving deep into cybersecurity concepts.

This homelab became more than just a hobby; it became my incubator, my education center, and ultimately, my springboard into a new career in tech. The same intensity that once drove me to perfect a dish now fueled my learning in this new digital realm.

The transition from kitchen to homelab wasn't as drastic as it might seem. Both environments reward attention to detail, creative problem-solving, and the ability to troubleshoot on the fly. In many ways, my homelab became a new kind of kitchen - a place where I could experiment, create, and lose myself in the flow of focused work.

From Cooking to Coding: Leveraging ADHD in a Career Transition

The parallels between my culinary career and my journey into tech are striking. Both require attention to detail, creative problem-solving, and the ability to thrive under pressure. But in tech, I found a field that not only accommodates my ADHD traits but often rewards them.

My ability to hyperfocus, which sometimes felt like a liability in other areas of life, became a superpower as I tackled complex technical challenges. The pattern recognition skills I honed in the kitchen translated perfectly to debugging code and understanding network architectures.

This career transition hasn't been without its challenges. Learning to code and understand complex systems has tested my patience and persistence. But it's also revealed strengths I never knew I had, and provided a sense of fulfillment I hadn't experienced since my early days in the kitchen.

The Birth of a Blog: Sharing the Journey

As I delved deeper into the tech world, I realized that my unique journey - from chef to tech enthusiast, from addiction to sobriety, from masking to embracing my neurodivergence - could be valuable to others on similar paths. This realization led to the creation of this blog, a platform where I could share my experiences, insights, and the lessons learned along the way.

Writing about my experiences has been both therapeutic and enlightening. It's forced me to reflect on my journey, to articulate the challenges and triumphs in a way that others can understand and relate to. In sharing my story, I've found a new sense of purpose - helping others who might be struggling with similar issues of identity, career transition, and self-discovery.

Embracing Authenticity in a Neurotypical World

The journey to understanding myself has been long and winding, much like my path through the culinary world and into tech. Sobriety was the first step, stripping away the haze that had obscured so much of my self-perception. Therapy followed, initially focused on addiction recovery but gradually unveiling patterns of thought and behavior that didn't quite fit the neurotypical mold.

It wasn't until recently, in my late 30s, that I received an official ADHD diagnosis. And even now, I'm exploring the possibility that autism might also be part of my neurodivergent profile. Each realization, each piece of the puzzle, has been like removing a layer of the mask I'd worn for so long.

Embracing authenticity has meant learning to value my unique perspective and abilities, even when they don't align with societal expectations. It's meant finding ways to work with my brain rather than constantly fighting against it.

The Ongoing Journey: Balancing Authenticity and Adaptation

This unmasking process hasn't always been easy. There's a certain comfort in the familiar, even when the familiar isn't serving us well. But with each layer removed, I've discovered more of my authentic self. I've learned to see my hyperfocus as a superpower rather than a quirk. I've developed strategies to manage sensory input without relying on alcohol. I've begun to understand that my way of perceiving and interacting with the world isn't wrong - it's just different.

As I continue to explore what it means to be neurodivergent, I'm learning to balance authenticity with the practical realities of living and working in a predominantly neurotypical world. It's not about discarding all the adaptive behaviors I've learned over the years, but about choosing consciously when and how to use them.

This balance is a constant work in progress. Some days, it feels like a delicate dance between being true to myself and meeting the demands of the world around me. Other days, it's a triumphant celebration of my unique abilities and perspective.

A Message of Hope

For those of us who've taken the scenic route to self-discovery, whether due to neurodivergence, addiction, or simply not fitting into society's neatly labeled boxes, the journey can be long and sometimes lonely. But it's also rich with opportunities for growth and self-understanding.

In the end, this journey of unmasking isn't just about understanding myself better. It's about creating a world where neurodivergent individuals don't feel the need to mask in the first place. Where the unique strengths and perspectives we bring are valued, not just in professional kitchens or tech spaces, but in all areas of life.

So to anyone out there who's ever felt out of step with the world around them, who's struggled to fit in or to understand why they think and feel differently - know that you're not alone. Your journey to self-discovery might be long, it might be winding, but it's uniquely yours. And every step brings you closer to understanding and embracing your true self.

Remember, the very traits that might have made you feel different or out of place could be your greatest strengths. Whether you're in a kitchen, a homelab, or anywhere else in life, your unique perspective has value. Embrace it, nurture it, and use it to carve out your own path. The world needs the gifts that only you can bring.